Signs of a trauma bond relationship…
12 signs of a trauma bond in a relationship:
Escalation of Minor Disputes: Minor disagreements frequently escalate into major conflicts.
Lack of Accountability: Neither party practices accountability or apologises; instead, there's a prevalent culture of blaming each other.
Concealment of Personal Life: You feel compelled to hide aspects of your life, both significant and trivial, due to fear of your partner's reaction.
Derogatory Remarks About Partner: When discussing their partner, the comments are often bitterly critical or accompanied by dismissive gestures like eye-rolling.
Sexualised Conflict Resolution: Arguments are recurrently resolved through sexual interactions, perpetuating a repetitive cycle.
Competitive, Not Supportive: There's a competitive dynamic in the relationship, with a notable absence of celebrating each other's successes.
Addicted to Relationship's Intensity: Despite considering leaving, the extreme highs and lows of the relationship feel addictively compelling.
Social Tension with Friends: Friends are reluctant to socialize with both of you due to the prevalent fighting or underlying tension.
Avoidance Through Distractions: Time spent together is often filled with drinking, mindless scrolling, or other activities to numb feelings.
Frequent Breakup Threats: The relationship is marred by continuous threats of ending the partnership.
Secrecy Involving Others: There's a pattern of asking friends or family to conceal information from your partner, or discovering your partner has done the same.
Fear of Living Without Partner: Despite being unhappy, there's a profound fear of being unable to survive without the other person.
Additional Signs:
Repeated Forgiveness of Unacceptable Behaviour: You find yourself repeatedly forgiving behaviour that you would typically deem unacceptable or harmful.
Feeling Responsible for Partner's Well-being: A disproportionate sense of responsibility for your partner's emotional or physical well-being, often at the expense of your own.
Isolation from Support Systems: Gradually becoming isolated from friends, family, or social support due to the relationship.
Unpredictable Emotional Responses: Experiencing unpredictable or extreme emotional responses – from intense affection to severe anxiety or fear – in relation to your partner’s actions or moods.
If someone recognises these signs in their relationship, it's important to address the situation with care and seek support. Here are some steps and resources that might be helpful:
Acknowledge the Situation: The first step is acknowledging that the relationship may be unhealthy. Recognising the signs of a trauma bond is crucial in beginning to address it.
Seek Professional Help: Counselling or therapy, especially with a professional experienced in dealing with trauma and abusive relationships, can be invaluable. Therapy can provide a safe space to understand the dynamics of the relationship and work on finding the self beneath the trauma.
Educate Yourself: Understanding trauma bonds and abusive relationship dynamics can be empowering. Reading books, podcasts, reputable online resources, workshops or support groups can be helpful.
Develop a Support System: Reconnect with friends, family, or support groups who can provide emotional support. Isolation can be a significant factor in maintaining trauma bonds, so rebuilding a support network is key.
Set Boundaries: Learn to set healthy boundaries with your partner. This can be immensely challenging but is critical for your well-being. A therapist can help in learning how to effectively set and maintain these boundaries… small steps.
Prioritise Self-Care: Engage in activities that promote your well-being, such as exercise, hobbies, yoga and relaxation techniques. Self-care is vital for mental and emotional health. Your therapist can help explain the mind-body connection and why these activities can help heal as well as helping you to develop emotional resilience. These activities may also introduce new people into your life where, in time, a mutually beneficial support system can form.
Create a Safety Plan: If there's any risk of physical or emotional harm, develop a safety plan. This might involve identifying safe places to stay, having a packed bag ready, and knowing who to call in an emergency.
Reflect on Personal Patterns: Reflect on any personal patterns that might have led to or perpetuated the trauma bond. Therapy can be particularly helpful in this aspect.
Journaling: Sometimes, we get caught up in the external factors that contribute to our mental health, such as exercise, diet, and social connections. However, it is essential to recognise that the way we think plays a significant role in our mental well-being. Writing down your thoughts and feelings can be a therapeutic way to process emotions. It helps give you distance from your emotions, becoming an observer of them, which then gives you clarity and insight into what is actually happening.
Seek Support from Domestic Abuse Services: If the relationship involves abuse, domestic violence hotlines and shelters can provide critical support and resources.
Stay Informed About Coercive Control: Understanding the concept of coercive control can be enlightening for those in a trauma bond.
Avoid Making Major Decisions in High Emotion States: Try not to make significant decisions about the relationship during times of high emotional stress.
Remember, leaving a trauma bond can be challenging, and it often requires professional guidance and support. It's important not to blame yourself and to recognise that healing is a process that takes time.
Trauma changes the brain… and so does healing.
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